And cut the director announced ! Fabulous Janie, we’ve got it, moving on to scene 3 now. I breathed a sigh of relief and stretched my cramped arms. I was helping with the set up for scene three so I had to move quick. I rolled up the tortilla and placed it back in the props cupboard The thin string is much easier to see when it is rolled up on the stick to keep it untangled. I climbed down the ladder and walked through to the next set. Next we were filming a shot that involved rocks floating past the space ship window. Great! more dangling thin wires and sitting in uncomfortable positions while we film again and again. When the internship advertised an exciting space experience to see the lives of astronauts in action I had not expected this.
Issie
Fabulous hook and love the way you painted a clear picture for the reader of what was happening. Have you considered describing items like the type of ladder, was it an old wobbly ladder or a cold steel one? great twist at the end to link it all together.
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ReplyDeleteWe really enjoyed your use of descriptive words, as it painted a clear picture in our minds. The content you used was creative and very imaginative, we had never considered it from this point of view. Have you thought about how this could link to other curriculum areas? E.g drama, visual art.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you took a completely different angle for this story. How creative, writing the story from a movie crew members point of view!
ReplyDeleteIt really adds to your story when you express how you feel from the first persons view. Have you thought about including quotation marks for when other characters in the story talk?
Have you potentially thought about including a simile to really express your relief or to expand on how cramped and tired your arms were?
Good question Sarah.
DeleteYou have used a range of adjectives, you did not just say "sitting in positions" you made us relate to the position by telling us it was an "uncomfortable" position. Straight away we go from reading the writing to also understanding and relating to the writing.
ReplyDeleteI like how you have made us feel as if we are right there behind the scenes filming a movie, I had never thought of starting a piece of writing like that before it was different and very engaging.
Could you consider ending with something that keeps us wondering and wanting more.
What a kind, thoughful, helpful comment James. I am impressed with your choice of words to comment on this writing.
DeleteAn awesome comment Helen - full of praise related to the task and thoughtful and helpful ideas about taking this piece of writing further.
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