Alien Tortilla
I move my body slightly to the right so one of my eyes is peering ever so slightly through the small glass hole. I can feel my hearts racing, my blood veins are expanding, I am feeling emotions of nervousness. I quickly check that my connection cord is still tightly attached to me, the last thing I want is to somehow become disconnected from my craft.
I focus my eye again through the small glass hole, I start taking mental notes of the characteristics of the alien. It has some sort of fabric covering most of her torso and lower levels, her head is covered in a curly type material I have never laid eyes on before. It is stationed in some sort of control room with numerous small objects. It appears to be opening some of those small objects and smearing the discoloured contents onto a round disk. Layer upon layer it continues to smear these contents, I can only assume it is assembling a type of explosive weapon. It is very clumsy with the contents and parts fly around the control room, shockingly it swiftly scopes the floating contents into it's mouth. I am shocked, this alien is appearing to rejuvenate itself with explosive contents. It has smeared the final contents onto the disk, I start to panic and considered my retreat back to the craft. Out of the corner of my eye ball I see the alien roll the disk up and take a bite out of it. It then signals with its limb, it points one of its digits upwards and its mouth curves into a half circle.
Sarah
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ReplyDeleteI love the way you have used precise adjectives to make your writing descriptive and interesting. It gives me a great picture of the story in my head.
ReplyDeleteHave you thought about breaking up some of your sentences. Sometimes a full stop could be added instead of a comma. This would give great impact.
A possible next step for you to consider is grouping your ideas up into paragraphs.
Great story, Sarah. I can't wait to read more!
Hi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your piece of writing. To be specific, I love the way you have captured my attention by adding sensory details in your writing. Have you thought about adding in Onomatopoeia? This could give your writing the WOW factor!!!