"Holy Guacamole!!!" shouted Hernandez as he took a bite of his chili chicken tortilla , each bite igniting sparks in his mouth. He began to feel an immense heat rush over his cheeks as he swallowed a chunk of the tantilising tortilla. Pasqual had eaten earlier and had finished all of the tinned tuna so he was left with a tin of chicken that resembled cat food...and kinda smelt like it too. As the fire in his stomach began to grow he believed Pasqual set him up for pranking her last week with the curry episode.
Hernandez's stomach started to rumble, it felt like people were dancing the samba within his intestines, he couldnt take it anymore!!!! He had to get to a toilet....QUICKLY! Hernandez tried to run but the strap holding him in his seat was stuck, he called for help but no one was around.....he forgot that he was in a spacecraft 380,000 kilometres from earth...who was going to help. He pulled and yanked and squirmed as he tried to open the belt. "SNAP" it broke and Hernandez floated out of his chair, he ran like a bull towards a red cape, he REALLY needed to get to the toilet now. As he went to open the lever to the space loo it was locked...." uno momento, I think the chilli chicken is off, best you dont eat it" called Pasqual from the toilet. Hernandez froze..... "ai yai yai! WHAT DO I DO NOW?".
- Madi Ferris
- Madi Ferris
Such a cool story Madi! I loved the interesting descriptive words you used that created such a funny image in my head. Good stuff! :)
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ReplyDeleteHi Madi, I really love how your story ends, leaving me wondering what will happen next. Where did you get the idea of the story line from? It is really descriptive and creates an image in my head.
ReplyDeleteMadi I love the vocab used in this piece such as, "squirmed", "tantillising" and "rumble" it helps to create a really clear picture in my mind.
ReplyDeleteThere is a great use of similie throughout and you have used a variation of simple, compound and complex sentences.
My question is what happens next?! I can't wait to read more! :)
I like how you have used many different language features through out your piece of writing. it makes your writing more interesting for the reader. Maybe next time you could use some short sentences throughout your writing so it adds some more punch through out your story. Have you thought about adding another character into your piece of writing?
ReplyDeleteI love your use of vocabulary Madi! It made your piece of writing very engaging. One of my favourite parts is 'tantilising tortilla!' nice alliteration ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat happened next...? Did he make it to the toilet? I sure hope so!